Last Thursday I was reminded why I had WLS. I was really stressed out at work. It was just one of those days. I had a big event on Friday and was so not prepared for it. There were lots of things going on and I was just totally STRESSED!!
As I was driving home I was feeling all that stress and then I started to think of what I would really love to eat right not. A huge portion of General Tso's Chicken with fried rice, steamed dumplings, some egg rolls, and probably a stuff crust pizza to finish it off!
Man I was really jonesing for that food. And then it hit me. I was SCREWED!!
I knew I couldn't eat any of that stuff! What the heck was I going to do!!You know what I did...I had to feel my emotions. I had to let myself feel and deal instead of ignoring and numbing myself with food. In my previous life, let's say my Weight Watchers life, I would have blown it and ate everything listed above. That would have led to a down ward spiral that would have thrown me off of course. That folks is why I know I needed this band. That's why surgery was a fantastic option and tool for me. I didn't over eat that day. I didn't even overeat with things I could have over eaten (ice cream, etc.)
In fact, it was a great day after all!!
Showing posts with label food addiction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label food addiction. Show all posts
Monday, April 19, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
New Discoveries
These last 5 days have been action packed! Being on this liquid diet has really taken me on an amazing journey of self discovery. I've made a couple of personal and medical discoveries I'd like to share with you.
I am a Food Addict
I knew I was addicted to food but I really didn't know what it meant to be addicted. Let me explain. I love food. I know that I over eat. I can't have half a cup of pasta. That is just silly to me. I will though have possibly 2 cups in one sitting. I think about food, dream about food, get excited thinking about food, and most of my happiest memories are around food. I knew that. What I didn't know was how much I would think about food when I couldn't have it and how I would sound wanting it. Day 2 of my liquid diet I started to think about cheating. I would say things like, "Just one bite won't hurt" "No one will know if I just nibble this."These are words that for me echo the sounds of an addiction. If I am not physically hungry why do I want food so badly? Simply: I am addicted. Like an alcoholic craves the drink and lies about being able to "control" the amount so am I with food. Truth be told, it wouldn't stop at one bite. I am learning that now. If given choices I will eventually make the wrong choice. Being on this liquid diet has really helped me to see this. I am still struggling with the need to eat emotionally. I want it!
Hematology 101
A week or so ago I had some preoperative test done. All the favorites: an EKG, upper GI, X-rays, blood work, and pulmonary function test. My results were given to my doctor who has to clear me for surgery. On Thursday my doctor informed me there were some problems with my blood work and EKG and I need to see a hematologist before she could clear me for surgery. So on Friday I saw a fantastic hematologist who informed me of two things: I have a genetic blood disorder and a clotting factor disorder.
Thalassemia Minor: Basically my hemoglobin is weird. On blood work I appear to be anemic. No big problem here. It's something you live with. It occurs in people of Mediterranean descent and is believed to cause Resistance to malaria. In many ways its a super power.
Factor XII: Long story short. Looks like I failed a clotting test. In fact I have a clotting disorder affecting my XII factor. This really is no problem for surgery. However, my hematologist did say that this factor XII deficiency can be what has caused my multiple (2) miscarriages. Can you believe that. The one thing to fix this. An aspirin a day. AMAZING. It's one of those things you don't find unless you're looking for it. WOW.
So, that's what I've been doing. Still trying to get everything arranged for my surgery date - which by the way is March 10. Well look at that...time to have lunch. Vanilla Protein shake anyone?
I am a Food Addict
I knew I was addicted to food but I really didn't know what it meant to be addicted. Let me explain. I love food. I know that I over eat. I can't have half a cup of pasta. That is just silly to me. I will though have possibly 2 cups in one sitting. I think about food, dream about food, get excited thinking about food, and most of my happiest memories are around food. I knew that. What I didn't know was how much I would think about food when I couldn't have it and how I would sound wanting it. Day 2 of my liquid diet I started to think about cheating. I would say things like, "Just one bite won't hurt" "No one will know if I just nibble this."These are words that for me echo the sounds of an addiction. If I am not physically hungry why do I want food so badly? Simply: I am addicted. Like an alcoholic craves the drink and lies about being able to "control" the amount so am I with food. Truth be told, it wouldn't stop at one bite. I am learning that now. If given choices I will eventually make the wrong choice. Being on this liquid diet has really helped me to see this. I am still struggling with the need to eat emotionally. I want it!
Hematology 101
A week or so ago I had some preoperative test done. All the favorites: an EKG, upper GI, X-rays, blood work, and pulmonary function test. My results were given to my doctor who has to clear me for surgery. On Thursday my doctor informed me there were some problems with my blood work and EKG and I need to see a hematologist before she could clear me for surgery. So on Friday I saw a fantastic hematologist who informed me of two things: I have a genetic blood disorder and a clotting factor disorder.
Thalassemia Minor: Basically my hemoglobin is weird. On blood work I appear to be anemic. No big problem here. It's something you live with. It occurs in people of Mediterranean descent and is believed to cause Resistance to malaria. In many ways its a super power.
Factor XII: Long story short. Looks like I failed a clotting test. In fact I have a clotting disorder affecting my XII factor. This really is no problem for surgery. However, my hematologist did say that this factor XII deficiency can be what has caused my multiple (2) miscarriages. Can you believe that. The one thing to fix this. An aspirin a day. AMAZING. It's one of those things you don't find unless you're looking for it. WOW.
So, that's what I've been doing. Still trying to get everything arranged for my surgery date - which by the way is March 10. Well look at that...time to have lunch. Vanilla Protein shake anyone?
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Liquid Diet - Day 1
I am not going to make it.
I am soooo hungry! I have to be on this doctor assigned liquid diet for 2 weeks prior to my surgery. It's a low fat high protein diet that will hopefully help me loose 15-20 lbs. It's essential that I follow the diet which will in turn help to shrink my liver. Many obese people have fatty, swollen livers. This can cause a problem during surgery. So we're put on this diet to help shrink our liver which will improve our recovery time. And it's killing me!!
Ok, maybe I am being a tad over dramatic.
I guess this means I officially have started my weight loss journey! In two weeks I'll be recovering from my surgery and on my way to a very healthy me! I really am trying to focus on the positives - what I am gaining rather than what I am loosing. Oh, I see a future post in here!
So for now... stay away.... I am pretty cranky.... my sweet husband just texted me: "da da dut dut da I am loving you" and all I thought about was McDonald's.
For all my infertile fans - this is the new 2 week wait. UGH!
Check back to see if I survive....
I am soooo hungry! I have to be on this doctor assigned liquid diet for 2 weeks prior to my surgery. It's a low fat high protein diet that will hopefully help me loose 15-20 lbs. It's essential that I follow the diet which will in turn help to shrink my liver. Many obese people have fatty, swollen livers. This can cause a problem during surgery. So we're put on this diet to help shrink our liver which will improve our recovery time. And it's killing me!!
Ok, maybe I am being a tad over dramatic.
I guess this means I officially have started my weight loss journey! In two weeks I'll be recovering from my surgery and on my way to a very healthy me! I really am trying to focus on the positives - what I am gaining rather than what I am loosing. Oh, I see a future post in here!
So for now... stay away.... I am pretty cranky.... my sweet husband just texted me: "da da dut dut da I am loving you" and all I thought about was McDonald's.
For all my infertile fans - this is the new 2 week wait. UGH!
Check back to see if I survive....
Monday, February 22, 2010
From Spaghetti to Crack
I confess. I am a food addict. I love food! It's always been there for me. It's there for all the special celebrations in life. I mean who graduates, has birthday, or celebrates anything of any significance without a cake or a special meal? No one in my family - that's for sure!
Just the thought of a juicy porter house steak gets my taste buds going....
Food my friend
Food my enemy
I was watching a documentary on WLS and was not very surprised to hear that many WLS patients replace their food addiction with other addictions. Alcohol seems to be the number one drug of choice. I can understand that. Alcohol is readily available and easily attainable. No real social taboos about having a drink. However, the one woman in this documentary didn't turn to alcohol. No she went straight to crack cocaine. She went from this clean cut homebody chubby to this homeless crack addict post WLS. Seriously! How does someone go from loving spaghetti to being addicted to crack cocaine! That possibility just blows my mind! And quite frankly - it also sends a ripple of apprehension down my spine.
On Wednesday I start a 2 week liquid diet before surgery. This past week I've eaten so much food my colon is working overtime. I feel horrible. But I also feel like I have to get it all in! Every steak, every piece of bread or pancake, every bowl of spaghetti I can choke down! My time is running out! I am freaking out! I am really struggling to understand why I feel so much pressure to gorge myself to death.
Only 5 meals left to optifast. After my marathon of food consumption (I actually made myself sick over the weekend) I am kinda looking forward to letting go of food. Check back on Friday to see if I still feel the same way!
Just the thought of a juicy porter house steak gets my taste buds going....
Food my friend
Food my enemy
I was watching a documentary on WLS and was not very surprised to hear that many WLS patients replace their food addiction with other addictions. Alcohol seems to be the number one drug of choice. I can understand that. Alcohol is readily available and easily attainable. No real social taboos about having a drink. However, the one woman in this documentary didn't turn to alcohol. No she went straight to crack cocaine. She went from this clean cut homebody chubby to this homeless crack addict post WLS. Seriously! How does someone go from loving spaghetti to being addicted to crack cocaine! That possibility just blows my mind! And quite frankly - it also sends a ripple of apprehension down my spine.
On Wednesday I start a 2 week liquid diet before surgery. This past week I've eaten so much food my colon is working overtime. I feel horrible. But I also feel like I have to get it all in! Every steak, every piece of bread or pancake, every bowl of spaghetti I can choke down! My time is running out! I am freaking out! I am really struggling to understand why I feel so much pressure to gorge myself to death.
Only 5 meals left to optifast. After my marathon of food consumption (I actually made myself sick over the weekend) I am kinda looking forward to letting go of food. Check back on Friday to see if I still feel the same way!
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