Life As I Know It

I've always been fat. Well maybe as a baby I wasn't that fat. But I definitely have no recollection of ever being considered a "normal weight". I've adapted quite well. Contrary to most fatties; I was a pretty functional out going young lady. If I hear,"You have such a pretty face/personality" one more time I may explode. I had plenty of friends and never saw my obesity as a barrier. I remember in the seventh grade when some boy called me Shamu. I thought it was because I was wearing black and white. Call it denial but I've always had a very high opinion of myself.

I never really tried to loose weight (well my mom tried to get me to loose weight but I never really invested in the process) until my twenties. That's when I joined Weight Watchers for the first time. I did very well. I started to exercise and did fantastic. Then I fell in love - got married - and gained it all back - plus about 50 extra pounds. I've lost and gained the same 50 lbs so many times I could set Olympic records. I work my butt off (literally) and them gain it back with an additional roll or two. I deny myself and work my body so hard but keep falling back into old unproductive habits.

I first thought about weight loss surgery (WLS) in 2004. I'd heard lots about it and knew some people who had success with the surgery. I had a consult and really wasn't too thrilled about what I would have to do to get my insurance to cover the surgery. So I decided I could loose the weight without surgery! I mean I've done it before, surely I could do it again.

I really never suffered from any ill affect do to my weight. Until I hit 30. At 30 everything changed. My body had enough! I have a grocery list of problems due to my obesity. My joints ache - cleaning my house causes me to have intense back ache and sometimes I can barely walk down the stairs. Most significantly my weight problem has affect my fertility. That was the last straw.

So in 2008 I begin pursuing WLS. I've had a few bumps in the road but am on my way to having gastric banding. I am dealing with a lot of emotions right now. Some feelings of failure (why couldn't I do this without surgery), some anxiety (what if something bad happens during surgery), some fear (will it hurt?), and some feelings of loss (good by best friend: food how I've loved thee). All these things are rolling around in my head along with the excitement of actually being able to tackle this beast of obesity!

I plan to document my experiences here. Please be warned that I am often very sarcastic and can be a little whiny. I am excited to share this journey with others who are considering WLS or who have gone before or anyone who struggles with their weight.

And so.. the journey begins...