Journey To A New Jen

Six Month Baniversary!

2010-09-10T09:54:00.003-04:00

Today is my baniversary!

Six months ago I took the step that changed my life!

In the last six months I've undergone some amazing changes.

went to Haiti
walked a 5 K
dropped 36 inches
dropped 4 sizes
began jogging
no longer take ANY medications
went on vacation to Disney World and walked, walked, and walked all the parks!
went to Disney and rode ALL the RIDES!
and lost 67 lbs!

Here's my 6 month pic!

I am so thankful I finally took this step and am still adjusting to life in a smaller body!

Those Who Have Gone Before

2010-06-24T14:38:00.002-04:00

One of my most unexpected blessings of having weight loss surgery has been the community of people I've discovered who have also had surgery.

There are so many blogs and discussion boards out there that offer support, encouragement, and my favorite - recipes!!

One of these blogs is: http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/

Shelly's recipes are amazing!! She's giving away an ice cream maker in honor of her birthday! Of course I entered! So pop on over and try to win it too!

What are your favorite blogs/sites for weight loss surgery? Where have you found your support?

5k and 50 Pounds!

2010-06-07T20:10:00.005-04:00

This weekend I participated in my first 5K!

It was an amazing and emotional experience. I chose the Susan G. Komen Global Race for the Cure. It was so awesome to be with so many people in our nation's capital working together to end breast cancer. I rode the metro (our subway) downtown and was so inspired to see all the people getting on the train who were race participants. One group really touched me. They had camo shirts that said, "Heather's Team". About 15 team mates got on the train and then there was Heather. It was obvious that Heather is in the midst of her battle. Head wrapped in scarf, donned with a tiara she got on the train pumped and ready to walk! I was so touched by this display of friendship and courage. It was amazing. I cried for the first time that day!

Dr. Jill Biden spoke as we got ready to walk. I was pretty excited and ready to get going. I was walking with a team of people and we were all ready to get started! It gets going pretty slowly with all the people who are there walking. But we did get moving. It was hot and I was sweating but we were walking! We walked for what seemed like a long time and then we can to the cut off. They have a 1 mile cut off (instead of a 5K you can just do 1 mile). This cut off is mostly for the ill and disabled people who are walking. That's when it started. The doubt. Can I make it? Why I am doing this? Why don't I just quit?

I could have quit. I could have cut the race short and walked only 1 mile. I really thought of it. I even figured out my excuses to use with my group.

I nearly did, but I didn't.

I am not a quitter anymore. I've quit a lot of things in my life. Mostly the saxophone and diets but those are in the past. I am not quitting again!

I finished that race. It was HARD! I don't know how I did it but I did! As I crossed the finish line I broke down in tears. I cried because I did it! I finished something that at one time seemed impossible. I cried for all the women- all the sisters, daughters, and mothers battling cancer, I cried praying that my nieces and daughters would never have to walk to end cancer, I cried because I am a new person.

I was so exhausted I don't know how I walked 5 blocks back to the metro. But I did. Everything hurt! To top all that off I found out today I walked with an upper respiratory, ear, and sinus infection!

I am 50lbs down too! I am over that little hump and back to loosing. I have to keep getting that exercise into my schedule but I am glad to be loosing again!

Thanks for all the support and encouragement! It really means a lot to me!

Official First Fill

2010-06-04T16:22:00.003-04:00

I had my first fill today.

3 cc of liquid were injected into my band. I was a little nervous but everything turned out just fine. I could fill my band inflating.

The doctor said I am doing very well. I fell like I could be doing better. I am not sure if I have unrealistic expectations or not. I just really want to get down FAST!

I hate that I keep yo-yoing back and forth. Hopefully this fill will be just what I need to kick it up a notch here!

I did manage to make it to the gym today! Honestly that is the real secret! Getting my booty moving!

On another note; tomorrow is my first 5K! Granted I'll be walking but it is my first 5K post op. I am doing the National Susan G Komen Race for the Cure. I am pretty excited and just hope I can make it across the finish line without too much drama!

That Dreaded P Word

2010-06-02T11:42:00.003-04:00

Well it's happened!

I've plateaued! (commence dramatic music)

Well not sure if it's a plateau but I keep gaining and loosing the same 5 lbs. Vacation has really messed up my mojo and I have three more coming this summer! Plus I haven't been exercising regularly. You know there is always an excuse!

I am trying to get back on track but having a really hard time. I've lost that little mental band I had. By mental band I mean that I had this fear that I may get sick if I ate too much. Well now I know I can eat way more than 1 cup at a time. You know my biggest weakness is salad! Man I love me some salad! That stuff just slides right down!

So, all that said, it's time for my first fill. I am going in on Friday for a fill. I am hoping that will give me a little more restriction and more will power to get back on track!

Check in with me later this week to see how that fill goes! I really want to be 199lbs by January 1!

Wish me luck!

I Am Back!

2010-05-27T13:27:00.011-04:00

Well I am back in more ways than one!

I recently went on a girls vacation and then a servant trip to Haiti.

All the ladies understand the translation of "girls vacation". For those of you unaware of this secret lingo I'll inform you. A "girls vacation" is basically a vacation of drinking and eating. Two things I can do very well. I went to Miami with some girl friends and we had a fantastic time lounging on the beach and dancing the night away! For the first time since surgery I did notice I could eat around my band. By that I mean that if I wait long enough I can eat more than my recommended amount. Plus I broke pretty much every rule. I was eating and drinking at the same time, drinking alcohol, skipping protein drinks, and skipping vitamins. I was a very bad girl...

But I had so much fun!

The view from my hammock......

After a few days in Miami I headed to Haiti for a servant trip. What a change! Haiti was a very rewarding experience. I love the people of Haiti and have an even great appreciation for the gifts and blessings I have as a privileged American. Those of us who live in the privileged world take so much for granted. I will carry these children and people in my heart forever.

I did manage to avoid rice while in Haiti. Overall it was a fantastic experience. I only gained 4 lbs for the 10 days I was gone. That's pretty amazing considering all the stuff I ate!

So now I've been back for 1 week and have lost those 4lbs and 3 more. My grand total is 47 lbs. Only three more pounds to the big 5- 0!

I am noticing I am eating more and more hungry...so you know that means time for a fill. I am not scheduled to go back until June 26 but may go in a little earlier! I want to give it another week or so to see if I can get back to a steady weight loss.

First Fill?

2010-05-07T15:18:00.003-04:00

Well it's been a while since my last post.

I am doing very well and so very happy about my progress.

I had my 6 week check up with my doctor. Some band patients get a fill at 6 weeks. I am doing so well that both my doctor and I decided to wait 6 more weeks before my first fill!

Since I begin my liquid diet (2 weeks before surgery) I've lost 44 lbs!! You know what that means! Six more to 50 lbs!!

I am amazed at my progress. I am amazed at how awesome I feel. I amazed that I ever fit into my clothing! I've had to go shopping and buy some new summer stuff but thankfully I have a dear friend (also a fellow bander) who has grown out of her clothing and given me all her summer stuff! I am well set!

I am leaving for vacation on Monday!! I am going to Miami with some girlfriends and then onto Haiti for a mission trip. I am very excited and can't wait to seat in the seat and buckle my seat belt without an extender!!

I promise to post some pictures soon!

A Bad Day

2010-04-19T21:07:00.005-04:00

Last Thursday I was reminded why I had WLS. I was really stressed out at work. It was just one of those days. I had a big event on Friday and was so not prepared for it. There were lots of things going on and I was just totally STRESSED!!

As I was driving home I was feeling all that stress and then I started to think of what I would really love to eat right not. A huge portion of General Tso's Chicken with fried rice, steamed dumplings, some egg rolls, and probably a stuff crust pizza to finish it off!

Man I was really jonesing for that food. And then it hit me. I was SCREWED!!

I knew I couldn't eat any of that stuff! What the heck was I going to do!!You know what I did...I had to feel my emotions. I had to let myself feel and deal instead of ignoring and numbing myself with food. In my previous life, let's say my Weight Watchers life, I would have blown it and ate everything listed above. That would have led to a down ward spiral that would have thrown me off of course. That folks is why I know I needed this band. That's why surgery was a fantastic option and tool for me. I didn't over eat that day. I didn't even overeat with things I could have over eaten (ice cream, etc.)

In fact, it was a great day after all!!

Happy 1 Month Baniversary to Me!

2010-04-10T09:49:00.002-04:00

On month ago today I changed my life!

It's hard to believe that I am here! Sitting one month on the other side of gastric banding! I am so thankful to be sitting here!

Some things have already changed for me in this short month's time. The first and probably the most amazing thing is that I am OFF OF METFORMIN!! I am beyond happy about this! Sometime people can never come off of it! Here I am Met free!! I take (scratch that!) took Metformin for something called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Basically the Met would balance my hormone levels and allow my body to ovulate and there by have a normal menstrual cycle. Well I've been off Met for 1 month and have had a menstrual cycle!! Such a HUGE victory for me! I am back to tracking all that girly stuff and am so excited that this road to health is also a road to improved fertility. It's really scary to but my mind back in the fertility game. I've been gone for about 2 years. Trying not to switch gears here. Really want to remained focused on my health and wellness before I even think about baby making. But getting off of Met was my #1 goal with WLS!

I've also noticed my clothes are getting looser!! I even went shopping and bought some shirts in one size down! WOO HOO!!

On this morning of my 1 month baniversary I've lost 18lbs since surgery and 34 lbs all together plus 17 inches!! I've gained a sense of accomplishment and a real sense of hope, "this time I WILL do it!"

Oh, happy baniversary, happy baniversary!!

Time to Feed the Baby

2010-04-06T15:29:00.002-04:00

When you've had weight loss surgery scheduling your meals becomes a necessity. Eating is now a "must do" rather than a "want to". I have to eat at very specific times or it throws the whole daily schedule off. I am very much reminded of an infants feeding schedule. If you miss that 10 am feeding baby is not at all happy. Missing the 10 am feeding throws off the 12 pm feeding and so on and so on. It's the same for me!

To top it off there is the 30/30 rule for WLS patients. This means no drink 30 minutes before a meal and 30 minutes after a meal. Drinking after or during a meal will cause you to "wash" your food down your pouch which then leads to eating more or hunger after eating. I especially found that my breakfast routine is most affected by this 30/30 rule.

I use to wake up, shower, and then have some coffee then maybe eat some breakfast (usually a huge bagel piled high with cream cheese or fast food) while sipping my coffee. Well I can't do that anymore. That doesn't work for me anymore. So the first thing I do when I wake up is eat! I keep forgetting to do this and it throws my whole morning off! It's really taking some re training here to get use to the new me.

So maybe you're wondering what I eat in a day. Here's my schedule for those of you with inquiring minds.

7:30 am: Breakfast: an egg, or 1/2 cup oatmeal or cream of wheat
8:00 am: Blessed coffee!!
10:30 am: Banana/Orange protein shake
12:30 pm: Lunch: 1/4 -1/2 cup of tuna, chicken, shrimp or egg salad
3:00 pm: Chocolate protein shake
5:30 p.m. Dinner: 1 oz meatball jazzed up, or chicken, or above salads.

That's it. That's what I eat in a day. Sometimes I squeeze in a pudding cup. And of course I am drinking 64 oz of water a day.

I use to not eat until 1 pm, but then at 1 pm I was ravenous and would probably consume 2, 000 plus calories. It's so amazing to see what this tool, my band, has done for my life. How the necessity of change has really finally broken through!

Then and Now and a Recipe

2010-03-25T17:23:00.015-04:00

Well the grand total is 30 lbs! By the way that is nearly 10% of my weight! I can't hardly believe it as I write it! 30 lbs in 4 weeks. I am so totally amazed. Honestly, I can't say I've worked too hard at it. I mean I am following the meal plan from my nutritionist and working in some moderate exercise (that means I am walking my dog).

I am so blown away. Do you know how long it would have taken me to loose 30lbs before WLS? Do ya? Well I do! As I was contemplating this amazing reality I decide to try to dig up one of my old Weight Watcher "membership books". And sure enough I found it!

So I cracked that puppy up to see if I ever lost 30lbs last time I did WW. According to my booklet I joined on September 27, 2005 weighing in at 308.6 lbs. The first week I lost 3.2 lbs! Yeah for me. But as the time goes on I would loose some weight and gain some weight. This booklet takes me all the way to January 3, 2006 where I weight 293.8 - more than I weight today! So from September to January - let's just say three months I lost ......... drum roll please.......

14.8 lbs

Amazing! In case you think I may be fudging the data; I took a picture of that too!!

I am so glad I made this decision. So freakin' glad. I am sure after my January weigh in is when I went to the surgeon for the second time. It would take me 4 more years to finally get to where I am today. So, so amazed!

One of my fears about weight loss surgery was all the food I was going to have to give up. All the bread, all the pasta, all the yummy yummy fast food. So far I am not missing much. I feel so good and really make sure the food I do it is delicious and high quality that I really am savoring and enjoying the meals I do eat. I've also been doing alot of reading and web browsing. I've been looking at different bariatric surgery websites and reading different recipes and food suggestions. So far I haven't tried too many different recipes. Tonight I tried these Cottage Cheese Pancakes!! Oh, so yummy! Courtesy of Susan Leach. These are to die for! I could totally see me making these for the family on the weekend with some bacon. Go ahead and try them! I dare you! I just change the butter for canola oil- so that does change the calorie count. But here's the recipe!

Cottage Cheese Pancakes

1/2 medium onion, chopped

2 TBSP butter (I used 2 tsp canola oil)

2 eggs

1 cup cottage cheese

2 TBS all purpose flour

salt and pepper to taste and Vegetable oil cooking spray

Saute the onion in butter until golden and season with salt and pepper. In a small bowl, combine the eggs, cottage cheese, flour, salt and pepper, and the cooked onion. Spray a nonstick skillet with vegetable oil cooking spray. For each pancake, scoop 2 tablespoons of batter into the skillet and coax into a 3 inch round. cook until the undersides are golden brown, 2 to 3 minutes. Flip and cook for 1 to 2 minutes longer or until lightly browned.

mmmmm,mmmmm they are so delicious!

I really am so happy and so fulfilled now! I feel fantastic and really just hope I can keep loosing and feeling this good! I am so excited about discovering other recipes out there!

Silver Anniversary

2010-03-23T13:44:00.002-04:00

That's what I think of when I think of 25.

25 pounds lost!! Wooo Hooo!!!

I am doing very well and loving life. I am finding that I am having to make some changes in my daily life to accommodate my new lifestyle. I can't really leave the house without my meals.

I've been getting lots of compliments too! Apparently I am glowing. Well, well ;)

I feel good, my clothes aren't bursting at the seams and I feel comfortable.

I had to get my passport renewed and therefore had to take those horrid photos. I am a little bummed that I am going to have a fat Jen passport for the next 10 years. What if I loose so much weight I don't look like my passport?

The Last Stand of the 300

2010-03-17T11:06:00.002-04:00

Ladies and Gentlemen I am now under 300lbs!

Take that Leonidas!

I Really Did It?....I Really Did It!

2010-03-15T16:58:00.004-04:00

Last night I was sitting on the coach watching on of my favorite TV shows Ruby. I really love her, although sometimes she does annoy me with her whiny voice and butchery of the English language (I am so hacky....I am so humdidated). I was watching her in her weight loss journey and her mentoring of a 17 year old obese young woman. As I am watching I begin to think (as I often do when watching weight loss stories), I need to do something about my weight.

KURPLUNK

I chuckled and lifted up my shirt to see my scars. Yep I did it. I really did it! I've waited so long for this and to finally have made it to life post surgery! All this is still very hard for me to comprehend.

Finally, instead of wishing and dreaming about doing something - I did! I really did it!

Part of my amazement I believe is that I am doing so well. I don't have any real pain - only mild discomfort. I have energy and am moving around pretty good. I believe my swelling has gone down and today I was even able to bend down and pick something up off the floor.

I really feel like I can do this! For the first time in a long time I feel like I have the tools to conquer this monster. I am so ready to get working out. I have to wait until I am medically cleared so for now I am just walking outside. I've never been this excited to get moving. I think the possibility of success is really motivating me forward.

Wow.... I really did it... I really took that step that I've been stalling at for 6 years and did it.

Yeah Me!

The Details

2010-03-11T18:40:00.002-05:00

Well I am home. Resting comfortably. So weird to finally be here after such a long journey. I honestly feel great. I have some mild bloating (from the air they pump into your abdomen to do the surgery laparoscopically) and some mild discomfort. I really wouldn't call it pain. Overall I had a great experience at the hospital and am so ready to get on with loosing!!

Part of blogging, for me, is to help others who one day may be in my shoes. Perhaps they are thinking of surgery or even preparing for it. I know I find great comfort in sharing in the journey with others. So I want to share the details so others may have some idea what my experience was like. So here goes...

March 10
5:00 am: Wake up. Didn't really sleep well. I kept jumping awake thinking "Is it over" but alas I was still at home. Showered and got ready to head to the hospital. My parents were here with me and my husband. Feeling a little out of body :Is this really happening

6:30 am: Arrive at surgical unit. I am checking into a little room with a bed, tv, chair, etc. Have my gown and all the stuff waiting for me. Given my wrist band and told to disrobe and get in my gown. Wow this is really happening

7:15 am: Anesthesiology comes in. Have a fantastic anesthesiologist who tells me she is going to take care of me and everything is going to be fine. Begins my IV. She is great! Get first dose of heparin. More of the anesthesia team comes in and introductions are made. Given something for my nerves.

7:3o am: Dr. Halmi pops in to say good morning and see if I have any questions. Introduces himself to my family

7:45 am: Time to roll out. Parents and hubby give me kisses as I am being wheeled to the OR. I start to cry now. I can believe this is really happening. I am really doing this. The team assures me they will take care of me.

7:50 am: Make to the OR room. Hop on the OR table, lay down, and then BLANK

9:30 amish: Wake up to: "Jennifer..... JENNIFER". "OK I am up already. Am I banded? Is it over?" "Yes, it's over, you did it!" Me: "Thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus..." No pain. Just a pressure in my abdomen. Some lady beside me is whaling in pain. Don't know what surgery she had but I felt bad for her.

10:15 am: Rolled up to my room. Hubby and family come in. I feel REALLY grumpy and cranky. Seems to be my reaction to anestesia. Felt great. Was alert and awake. Really had no complications or problems.

11:30 am: Ran my first marathon. Ha ha Just started walking the floor. Wore my husband out! Nurses were really impressed with me. I am so convinced that my quick recovery and energy have been a blessing from all the prayers offered up for me. So thankful for being washed in these prayers.

1:00 pm: Realize I am staying over night. Still feeling great.

4:00 pm: Visit from my friend Angie. Great walk. Grumpiness has subsided.

Overnight: Get some nice drugs that make me feel like I haven't even had surgery. Sleep on and off. Overall good night. See video.....

March 11
7:00 am: Wake up feeling like P Diddy. :) Go for a walk and feel great.

9:30 am: Mom and hubby arrive. I am awaiting my Upper GI to make sure liquid can flow through my band.

11:00 am: Taken to radiology for Upper GI. Little nervous to drink this foal tasting liquid. Everything goes fine and right down my tummy.

12:00 pm: First meal pot op! Chicken Broth and Orange Jello!! Oh yummy! don't even finish the meal!

1:00 pm: Discharged!

So I am home now. Had my first 30 g of protein and pudding cup! Working on my last 20 g of protein for the night and getting some liquid in there. I feel great. Went on a little walk with the hubby and dog. Can't wait for a shower tomorrow. Mom and I even cooked dinner together.

Welcome to the New Jen!

2010-03-10T15:18:00.004-05:00

It's done. I am banded!

I had an anxious night. I kept waking up in the night.

I was okay on the car ride over but lost it when I said good by to my husband and parents. I was just so stressed and ready to be done.

Surgery was quick and painless. I am not really in any pain at all. I feel totally fine. I've been walking and walking and walking. Not sure if I'll stay over night or not but I am at a really good hospital so I am happy either way.

Been sucking on ice chips. Feeling good...so happy I am on the other side of this whole thing.

Thanks so much for all the support! Will post when I am home!

The next time I am in a hospital I better leave here with a baby! ;)

Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

2010-03-09T18:11:00.005-05:00

Tomorrow everything changes.

I sit here on the eve of my weight loss surgery in a very funky place. I am not quite sure how to feel.

It was in 2004 that I had my first surgical consult. For 6 years I've hemmed and hawed about having this surgery. I even started the process twice. Never making it past insurance approval.

So many things floating around in my head. Why couldn't I do it by myself with diet and exercise? Why? Has it really come to this?

And now it's here. Is this really happening? Is this really what I want?

I know - as sure as I know there is a sun in the sky - that without this surgery I will not get control of my eating/weight.

I know I need this.

So here I sit. Scared. Anxious. Anticipating. Hungry. Timid.

Losing to Gain

2010-03-08T09:59:00.006-05:00

Losing weight. Gaining weight. Up. Down. It's a roller coaster.

I've lost weight and gained weight so many times. I finally gave up. I would work so hard and really push myself to lose and then gain it all back. Plus 10 extra pounds.

I would do well. I would do really well. One time at Weight Watchers I was disciplined for losing too fast. Imagine that.

I've denied myself over and over again. Repeating the mantra "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels."

Surprisingly I am doing alright on this liquid diet. Once I got around the thought of not eating I was okay. I am having some other side affects from the shakes that I can't live with.

Now in 48 hours everything will change. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared.

People often ask me what is my "goal weight". To be honest I haven't really thought about it. I really have no idea - no way to comprehend what it feels like to be something other than obese. I've always been fat. For me to be under 200 lbs is a huge goal. I almost made it once. But never crossed the finish line to Onederland. My goals for this surgery are very different. For me it's not so much about losing weight but about gaining goals. Those are the things I have to focus on. Over and over I have to remind myself that I've eaten everything I possibly could in 34 years of living. I know what prime rib and pasta taste like. I know how a greasy, juicy burger feels as it slides down your throat. I've experienced these things. Other things I have not. Those are the things I am gaining.

My focus, my resolve is to center on these items. My new mantra:

"Nothing tastes as good as .....

crossing your legs
wearing a "regular size" pair of jeans
sitting on an airplane and not feeling like you are spilling over
buckling an airplane seatbelt and not needing a seat belt extender
walking up a flight of stairs without panting
being medication free (no more metformin)
playing with my nieces and nephews on the floor
sitting on the floor comfortably
feeling like you belong in your own skin......feels.

Finally, and most importantly, nothing, absolutely nothing, is better than feeling prepared and able to battle infertility with a healthy body.

Losing to gain ... a new way of looking at life. A new life. Here I come!

New Discoveries

2010-03-01T11:05:00.007-05:00

These last 5 days have been action packed! Being on this liquid diet has really taken me on an amazing journey of self discovery. I've made a couple of personal and medical discoveries I'd like to share with you.

I am a Food Addict
I knew I was addicted to food but I really didn't know what it meant to be addicted. Let me explain. I love food. I know that I over eat. I can't have half a cup of pasta. That is just silly to me. I will though have possibly 2 cups in one sitting. I think about food, dream about food, get excited thinking about food, and most of my happiest memories are around food. I knew that. What I didn't know was how much I would think about food when I couldn't have it and how I would sound wanting it. Day 2 of my liquid diet I started to think about cheating. I would say things like, "Just one bite won't hurt" "No one will know if I just nibble this."These are words that for me echo the sounds of an addiction. If I am not physically hungry why do I want food so badly? Simply: I am addicted. Like an alcoholic craves the drink and lies about being able to "control" the amount so am I with food. Truth be told, it wouldn't stop at one bite. I am learning that now. If given choices I will eventually make the wrong choice. Being on this liquid diet has really helped me to see this. I am still struggling with the need to eat emotionally. I want it!

Hematology 101
A week or so ago I had some preoperative test done. All the favorites: an EKG, upper GI, X-rays, blood work, and pulmonary function test. My results were given to my doctor who has to clear me for surgery. On Thursday my doctor informed me there were some problems with my blood work and EKG and I need to see a hematologist before she could clear me for surgery. So on Friday I saw a fantastic hematologist who informed me of two things: I have a genetic blood disorder and a clotting factor disorder.

Thalassemia Minor: Basically my hemoglobin is weird. On blood work I appear to be anemic. No big problem here. It's something you live with. It occurs in people of Mediterranean descent and is believed to cause Resistance to malaria. In many ways its a super power.

Factor XII: Long story short. Looks like I failed a clotting test. In fact I have a clotting disorder affecting my XII factor. This really is no problem for surgery. However, my hematologist did say that this factor XII deficiency can be what has caused my multiple (2) miscarriages. Can you believe that. The one thing to fix this. An aspirin a day. AMAZING. It's one of those things you don't find unless you're looking for it. WOW.

So, that's what I've been doing. Still trying to get everything arranged for my surgery date - which by the way is March 10. Well look at that...time to have lunch. Vanilla Protein shake anyone?

Liquid Diet - Day 1

2010-02-24T14:14:00.004-05:00

I am not going to make it.

I am soooo hungry! I have to be on this doctor assigned liquid diet for 2 weeks prior to my surgery. It's a low fat high protein diet that will hopefully help me loose 15-20 lbs. It's essential that I follow the diet which will in turn help to shrink my liver. Many obese people have fatty, swollen livers. This can cause a problem during surgery. So we're put on this diet to help shrink our liver which will improve our recovery time. And it's killing me!!

Ok, maybe I am being a tad over dramatic.

I guess this means I officially have started my weight loss journey! In two weeks I'll be recovering from my surgery and on my way to a very healthy me! I really am trying to focus on the positives - what I am gaining rather than what I am loosing. Oh, I see a future post in here!

So for now... stay away.... I am pretty cranky.... my sweet husband just texted me: "da da dut dut da I am loving you" and all I thought about was McDonald's.

For all my infertile fans - this is the new 2 week wait. UGH!

Check back to see if I survive....

From Spaghetti to Crack

2010-02-22T11:15:00.002-05:00

I confess. I am a food addict. I love food! It's always been there for me. It's there for all the special celebrations in life. I mean who graduates, has birthday, or celebrates anything of any significance without a cake or a special meal? No one in my family - that's for sure!

Just the thought of a juicy porter house steak gets my taste buds going....

Food my friend

Food my enemy

I was watching a documentary on WLS and was not very surprised to hear that many WLS patients replace their food addiction with other addictions. Alcohol seems to be the number one drug of choice. I can understand that. Alcohol is readily available and easily attainable. No real social taboos about having a drink. However, the one woman in this documentary didn't turn to alcohol. No she went straight to crack cocaine. She went from this clean cut homebody chubby to this homeless crack addict post WLS. Seriously! How does someone go from loving spaghetti to being addicted to crack cocaine! That possibility just blows my mind! And quite frankly - it also sends a ripple of apprehension down my spine.

On Wednesday I start a 2 week liquid diet before surgery. This past week I've eaten so much food my colon is working overtime. I feel horrible. But I also feel like I have to get it all in! Every steak, every piece of bread or pancake, every bowl of spaghetti I can choke down! My time is running out! I am freaking out! I am really struggling to understand why I feel so much pressure to gorge myself to death.

Only 5 meals left to optifast. After my marathon of food consumption (I actually made myself sick over the weekend) I am kinda looking forward to letting go of food. Check back on Friday to see if I still feel the same way!

Life As I Know It

2010-02-19T14:22:00.000-05:00

I've always been fat. Well maybe as a baby I wasn't that fat. But I definitely have no recollection of ever being considered a "normal weight". I've adapted quite well. Contrary to most fatties; I was a pretty functional out going young lady. If I hear,"You have such a pretty face/personality" one more time I may explode. I had plenty of friends and never saw my obesity as a barrier. I remember in the seventh grade when some boy called me Shamu. I thought it was because I was wearing black and white. Call it denial but I've always had a very high opinion of myself.

I never really tried to loose weight (well my mom tried to get me to loose weight but I never really invested in the process) until my twenties. That's when I joined Weight Watchers for the first time. I did very well. I started to exercise and did fantastic. Then I fell in love - got married - and gained it all back - plus about 50 extra pounds. I've lost and gained the same 50 lbs so many times I could set Olympic records. I work my butt off (literally) and them gain it back with an additional roll or two. I deny myself and work my body so hard but keep falling back into old unproductive habits.

I first thought about weight loss surgery (WLS) in 2004. I'd heard lots about it and knew some people who had success with the surgery. I had a consult and really wasn't too thrilled about what I would have to do to get my insurance to cover the surgery. So I decided I could loose the weight without surgery! I mean I've done it before, surely I could do it again.

I really never suffered from any ill affect do to my weight. Until I hit 30. At 30 everything changed. My body had enough! I have a grocery list of problems due to my obesity. My joints ache - cleaning my house causes me to have intense back ache and sometimes I can barely walk down the stairs. Most significantly my weight problem has affect my fertility. That was the last straw.

So in 2008 I begin pursuing WLS. I've had a few bumps in the road but am on my way to having gastric banding. I am dealing with a lot of emotions right now. Some feelings of failure (why couldn't I do this without surgery), some anxiety (what if something bad happens during surgery), some fear (will it hurt?), and some feelings of loss (good by best friend: food how I've loved thee). All these things are rolling around in my head along with the excitement of actually being able to tackle this beast of obesity!

I plan to document my experiences here. Please be warned that I am often very sarcastic and can be a little whiny. I am excited to share this journey with others who are considering WLS or who have gone before or anyone who struggles with their weight.

And so.. the journey begins...